True Parental Alienation
Parental alienation is a serious problem affecting millions of families around the world. True parental alienation often occurs within a high conflict divorce, and occurs when one parent tries to damage the relationship between their child and the other parent. Parental alienation refers either to a state of the relationship between a child and parent, whom the child rejects without good cause, or it reflects an unreasonable aversion to thoughts, feelings, and behaviors to the parent with whom the child used to enjoy a normal relationship.
Legally, if a parent is found to alienate a child from the other parent, the court usually imposes a re-unification program, wherein the the child is removed from the care of the alienating parent and is put to the care of the alienated parent until their relationship is repaired.
Parental alienation is emotionally harmful to children and may result in a loss of contact with the targeted parent and extended family, high experiences of guilt, self-hatred, and self-esteem issues, and the child may come to believe unfounded abuse allegations. Such children also tend to have behavioral disturbances such as poor impulse control and aggression. Research suggests that there are long term negative effects into adulthood including depression and intimate partner difficulties.
We consider true parental alienation to be harmful. It needs to be addressed through obtaining accurate legal counsel and access to psychological and social services. However, there are many reasons for strained parent-child relationships. And in some cases a child may have good reasons to reject a parent.
Some reasons a child may have strained relationships with a parent during a divorce include: affinity, parental alignment, justified rejection, a hybrid and parental alienation.
Parental alienation is a serious problem affecting millions of families around the world. True parental alienation often occurs within a high conflict divorce, and occurs when one parent tries to damage the relationship between their child and the other parent. Parental alienation refers either to a state of the relationship between a child and parent, whom the child rejects without good cause, or it reflects an unreasonable aversion to thoughts, feelings, and behaviors to the parent with whom the child used to enjoy a normal relationship.
Legally, if a parent is found to alienate a child from the other parent, the court usually imposes a re-unification program, wherein the the child is removed from the care of the alienating parent and is put to the care of the alienated parent until their relationship is repaired.
Parental alienation is emotionally harmful to children and may result in a loss of contact with the targeted parent and extended family, high experiences of guilt, self-hatred, and self-esteem issues, and the child may come to believe unfounded abuse allegations. Such children also tend to have behavioral disturbances such as poor impulse control and aggression. Research suggests that there are long term negative effects into adulthood including depression and intimate partner difficulties.
We consider true parental alienation to be harmful. It needs to be addressed through obtaining accurate legal counsel and access to psychological and social services. However, there are many reasons for strained parent-child relationships. And in some cases a child may have good reasons to reject a parent.
Some reasons a child may have strained relationships with a parent during a divorce include: affinity, parental alignment, justified rejection, a hybrid and parental alienation.
Affinity describes a parent-child relationship where a child may have a preference for the favoured parent but does not demonstrate any form of rejection of the other parent. Reasons for affinity often include age or gender-related factors.
Parental alignment often occurs due to divorce-specific reasons such as an affair or a new partner and results in tensions surrounding the child's loyalty. During parental alignment, it's helpful when favoured parents encourage children to maintain and repair their relationship with the other parent.
In a justified rejection, a favoured parent and child may have a rational reason to reject a relationship with the rejected parent. Justified reasons range from exposure to emotional, physical, and sexual violence, alcohol and substance abuse, uncontrolled mental illness, and expressions of rage or hostility toward a child or spouse. Such circumstances significantly compromise decision-making and judgment that negatively impacts parenting and child development. During a justified rejection, the strained relationship between the rejected parent and the child is called parental estrangement. Due to the harmful psychological impacts of abuse, child protection is extremely important.
The hybrid describes an understudied grey zone between justified rejection and alienation. In the hybrid, a child and a favoured parent may have justified reasons to reject the unfavoured parent -- however, they are exaggerated by the favoured parent and the child. Often times, rejected parents become reactive to the child's resistance and behaviour.
And last, as we discussed above in detail, true alienation refers to the phenomenon where a child prefers one parent and rejects another parent. But here, the rejection is an unreasonable and disproportionate reaction to a parent who they previously had good relations with.
False Allegations of Parental Alienation during Actual Domestic Violence
As we discussed before, a child may have good reasons to reject their parent. The challenge in differentiating between true parental alienation and parental estrangement lies in the vulnerable position of children. Children often do not have the option to report, move away or protect themselves from abuse -they depend on the caregivers for their survival.
In cases of domestic violence, a child is faced with great difficulty because the family environment is responsible for the abuse and the child-caregiver relationship becomes the sources of trauma. Children trapped in abusive environments struggle to find a way to trust others, to feel safe, and they often feel high levels of shame and guilt. Children who are true victims of abuse will often try to cover up or take blame for the abuse they have received.
When children cover up the abuse or take blame for it, they're trying to protect the abusive parent. However, without sufficient evidence of abuse, family-court systems in Canada have a tendency to impose equal time or joint custody of children with equal or shared parenting of their child.
The problem is that the term parental alienation has been increasingly misused to describe every occasion where a child may have preference for another parent. As a result, it is “often used as a litigation tactic to extend the duration of lawsuits until a parent no longer has the finances to continue in court” according to Neha Chugh, Family Lawyer, Quebec.
In this way, abusive parents sometimes falsely make claims of parental alienation as a litigation tactic in court. This has resulted in a vigorous scientific debate surrounding the validity of the assessment tools and the interventions for parental alienation syndrome. Specifically, family violence, family law, and child-wellbeing experts around Canada and the world are increasingly concerned about the misuse of the term parental alienation to dismiss evidence of true domestic abuse and poor parenting.
Parents who are falsely accused of causing parental alienation in cases of true domestic violence often experience the following in court:
Unfortunately, family courts who incorrectly apply the concept of parental alienation are ignoring the legal rights of children and undermining child safety. Case law in Canada and the United States is documenting children being forcefully removed by police from the homes of primary-care parents, sometimes repeatedly, and forcefully placed with parents the children fear or reject. In several Canadian cases children have applied to be removed from parental authority entirely in order to escape parenting arrangements imposed on them by family courts. As a result, false parental alienation claims result in evidence of domestic abuse being ignored by courts. They also result in the removal of children from parents who seek to protect them, and in children’s placement with abusive parents, even in cases where judges made positive findings of family violence and abuse.
Making matters even more complicated, within family law, it is extremely difficult to distinguish between behaviors both in adults and children that are the result of true parental alienation or the result of domestic violence.
Parental alignment often occurs due to divorce-specific reasons such as an affair or a new partner and results in tensions surrounding the child's loyalty. During parental alignment, it's helpful when favoured parents encourage children to maintain and repair their relationship with the other parent.
In a justified rejection, a favoured parent and child may have a rational reason to reject a relationship with the rejected parent. Justified reasons range from exposure to emotional, physical, and sexual violence, alcohol and substance abuse, uncontrolled mental illness, and expressions of rage or hostility toward a child or spouse. Such circumstances significantly compromise decision-making and judgment that negatively impacts parenting and child development. During a justified rejection, the strained relationship between the rejected parent and the child is called parental estrangement. Due to the harmful psychological impacts of abuse, child protection is extremely important.
The hybrid describes an understudied grey zone between justified rejection and alienation. In the hybrid, a child and a favoured parent may have justified reasons to reject the unfavoured parent -- however, they are exaggerated by the favoured parent and the child. Often times, rejected parents become reactive to the child's resistance and behaviour.
And last, as we discussed above in detail, true alienation refers to the phenomenon where a child prefers one parent and rejects another parent. But here, the rejection is an unreasonable and disproportionate reaction to a parent who they previously had good relations with.
False Allegations of Parental Alienation during Actual Domestic Violence
As we discussed before, a child may have good reasons to reject their parent. The challenge in differentiating between true parental alienation and parental estrangement lies in the vulnerable position of children. Children often do not have the option to report, move away or protect themselves from abuse -they depend on the caregivers for their survival.
In cases of domestic violence, a child is faced with great difficulty because the family environment is responsible for the abuse and the child-caregiver relationship becomes the sources of trauma. Children trapped in abusive environments struggle to find a way to trust others, to feel safe, and they often feel high levels of shame and guilt. Children who are true victims of abuse will often try to cover up or take blame for the abuse they have received.
When children cover up the abuse or take blame for it, they're trying to protect the abusive parent. However, without sufficient evidence of abuse, family-court systems in Canada have a tendency to impose equal time or joint custody of children with equal or shared parenting of their child.
The problem is that the term parental alienation has been increasingly misused to describe every occasion where a child may have preference for another parent. As a result, it is “often used as a litigation tactic to extend the duration of lawsuits until a parent no longer has the finances to continue in court” according to Neha Chugh, Family Lawyer, Quebec.
In this way, abusive parents sometimes falsely make claims of parental alienation as a litigation tactic in court. This has resulted in a vigorous scientific debate surrounding the validity of the assessment tools and the interventions for parental alienation syndrome. Specifically, family violence, family law, and child-wellbeing experts around Canada and the world are increasingly concerned about the misuse of the term parental alienation to dismiss evidence of true domestic abuse and poor parenting.
Parents who are falsely accused of causing parental alienation in cases of true domestic violence often experience the following in court:
- Deflection of attention from thorough analysis of the best interest of children;
- Deflection of attention from scrutiny of parenting practices and parent-child relationships in favor of making assumptions about blame when children have poor relationships with the other parent;
- Discounting perspectives of children and the failure of protecting children and the abused parent from parent abuse;
- Undermining knowledge about how family violence harms children psychologically and impedes their development.
Unfortunately, family courts who incorrectly apply the concept of parental alienation are ignoring the legal rights of children and undermining child safety. Case law in Canada and the United States is documenting children being forcefully removed by police from the homes of primary-care parents, sometimes repeatedly, and forcefully placed with parents the children fear or reject. In several Canadian cases children have applied to be removed from parental authority entirely in order to escape parenting arrangements imposed on them by family courts. As a result, false parental alienation claims result in evidence of domestic abuse being ignored by courts. They also result in the removal of children from parents who seek to protect them, and in children’s placement with abusive parents, even in cases where judges made positive findings of family violence and abuse.
Making matters even more complicated, within family law, it is extremely difficult to distinguish between behaviors both in adults and children that are the result of true parental alienation or the result of domestic violence.
References
Baker (2010). “Adult recall of parental alienation in a community sample: Prevalence and associations with psychological maltreatment, J Divorce and Remarriage, 51, 16-35.
Baker & Sauber (Eds.) (2013). Working With Alienation Children & Families: A Clinical Guidebook. NY: Routledge: Taylor, Frances.
Bala, Hunt & McCarney, “Parental Alienation: Canadian Court Cases 1989–2008” (2010) 48 Family Court 162-177.
Bala, Birnbaum & Martinson, “Differentiated Case Management for Family Cases: ‘One Judge for One Family’” (2011), 26 Canadian Journal of Family Law 339-394.
Bala & Herbert (2016). Children resisting contact: What’s a Lawyer to do? Can Fam Law Quarterly, vol. 36, 1-56.
Fidler & Bala (2010). Children resisting post-separation contact with a parent: Concepts, controversies & conundrums. Family Court Review, 48, 10-47.
Fidler, Bala & Saini (2012). Children Who Resist Post-separation Parental Contact: A Differential Approach For Legal And Mental Health Professionals. American Psychology-Law Book Series. Oxford.
Fidler, B.J., Bala, N., & Hurwitz, H. (2013) Best practice guide: Responding to emotional harm of children in high conflict separation. Toronto: High Conflict Forum
Fidnick, Kock, Greenberg & Sullivan (2011). Guidelines for court-involved therapy: A best practice approach for mental health professionals. Family Court Review, 49, 564-581.
Greenberg, et al. (2012). Keeping the developmental frame: Child-centered conjoint therapy. Journal of Child Custody, 9(1-2), 39-68.
Greenberg, L.R., Gould, J.W., Schneider, R.A., Gould-Saltman, D.J., & Martindale, D.A. (2003). Effective intervention with high-conflict families: How judges can promote and recognize competent treatment in family court. Journal of the Center for Families, Children and the Courts, 4, 49-65.
Jaffe, Ashbourne & Mamo. (2010). Early identification and prevention of parent-child alienation: A framework for balancing risks & benefits of intervention. Family Court Review, 48(1), 136-152.
Judge & Deutsch (Eds). (2016). Family-based interventions for children’s resistance, rejection, alienation: Overcoming barriers and other clinical approaches. NY: Oxford University Press.
Ludolph, P.S., & Bow, J.N. (2012). Complex alienation dynamics and very young children. Journal of Child Custody, 9, 153-172.
Pruett, Deutsch, & Drozd (2016). When and how to do step ups in shared parenting arrangements. In L. Drozd, M. Saini & N. Olesen (eds). Parenting plan evaluations. 2nd edition. Oxford.
Saini, Johnston, Fidler, & Bala (2016). Empirical studies of alienation. In K.F. Kuehnle & L.M. Drozd (Eds.), Parenting plan evaluations: Applied research for the family court. Second Edition. NY: Oxford Press.
Saini, Drozd, Olesen (2017). Adaptive & Maladaptive gatekeeping behavior & attitudes: Implications for child outcomes after separation & divorce. FCR, 55(2), 260-272.
Warshak, R.A. (2015). Ten parental alienation fallacies that compromise decisions in court and in therapy. Professional Psychology: Research and Practice. Advance online publication. http:/dx.doi.org/10.1037/pro000003.
Baker (2010). “Adult recall of parental alienation in a community sample: Prevalence and associations with psychological maltreatment, J Divorce and Remarriage, 51, 16-35.
Baker & Sauber (Eds.) (2013). Working With Alienation Children & Families: A Clinical Guidebook. NY: Routledge: Taylor, Frances.
Bala, Hunt & McCarney, “Parental Alienation: Canadian Court Cases 1989–2008” (2010) 48 Family Court 162-177.
Bala, Birnbaum & Martinson, “Differentiated Case Management for Family Cases: ‘One Judge for One Family’” (2011), 26 Canadian Journal of Family Law 339-394.
Bala & Herbert (2016). Children resisting contact: What’s a Lawyer to do? Can Fam Law Quarterly, vol. 36, 1-56.
Fidler & Bala (2010). Children resisting post-separation contact with a parent: Concepts, controversies & conundrums. Family Court Review, 48, 10-47.
Fidler, Bala & Saini (2012). Children Who Resist Post-separation Parental Contact: A Differential Approach For Legal And Mental Health Professionals. American Psychology-Law Book Series. Oxford.
Fidler, B.J., Bala, N., & Hurwitz, H. (2013) Best practice guide: Responding to emotional harm of children in high conflict separation. Toronto: High Conflict Forum
Fidnick, Kock, Greenberg & Sullivan (2011). Guidelines for court-involved therapy: A best practice approach for mental health professionals. Family Court Review, 49, 564-581.
Greenberg, et al. (2012). Keeping the developmental frame: Child-centered conjoint therapy. Journal of Child Custody, 9(1-2), 39-68.
Greenberg, L.R., Gould, J.W., Schneider, R.A., Gould-Saltman, D.J., & Martindale, D.A. (2003). Effective intervention with high-conflict families: How judges can promote and recognize competent treatment in family court. Journal of the Center for Families, Children and the Courts, 4, 49-65.
Jaffe, Ashbourne & Mamo. (2010). Early identification and prevention of parent-child alienation: A framework for balancing risks & benefits of intervention. Family Court Review, 48(1), 136-152.
Judge & Deutsch (Eds). (2016). Family-based interventions for children’s resistance, rejection, alienation: Overcoming barriers and other clinical approaches. NY: Oxford University Press.
Ludolph, P.S., & Bow, J.N. (2012). Complex alienation dynamics and very young children. Journal of Child Custody, 9, 153-172.
Pruett, Deutsch, & Drozd (2016). When and how to do step ups in shared parenting arrangements. In L. Drozd, M. Saini & N. Olesen (eds). Parenting plan evaluations. 2nd edition. Oxford.
Saini, Johnston, Fidler, & Bala (2016). Empirical studies of alienation. In K.F. Kuehnle & L.M. Drozd (Eds.), Parenting plan evaluations: Applied research for the family court. Second Edition. NY: Oxford Press.
Saini, Drozd, Olesen (2017). Adaptive & Maladaptive gatekeeping behavior & attitudes: Implications for child outcomes after separation & divorce. FCR, 55(2), 260-272.
Warshak, R.A. (2015). Ten parental alienation fallacies that compromise decisions in court and in therapy. Professional Psychology: Research and Practice. Advance online publication. http:/dx.doi.org/10.1037/pro000003.